In September of 2001, my father, John Doyle, was diagnosed with a malignant brain tumour. Fortunately, it was operable and he had a successful operation that December. However, the cancer returned in August 2002 and could not be removed by surgery.
He elected to try chemotherapy.

The combined effects of the cancer and chemotherapy made him quite ill and by September, he needed full time care. As he wanted to be looked after at home, my mother took the brunt of this responsibility though we siblings (there are four of us) arranged it such that there was always one of us there to help.

It is hard to describe how difficult this was! John weighed around 16 stone. The tumour and chemo served to confuse him to the extent that he would get out of bed, forget why, and be unable to get back into bed. Worst case, he would just lie down. My mother, at 5ft 1 was not exactly able to pick him up. I?m 6ft 2, 13 stone and I couldn?t shift him! He need to be watched 24 hours a day and intercepted (not easy, boy could he move quickly when he wanted to). On top of which, he was not used to taking orders from us (more used to giving them), so it took a lot of persuading to keep him in bed. As you can imagine, it didn?t take long to wear us out!

We all lived in England and so and found it a bit of a nightmare juggling the job of caring for John in Ayr, Scotland, flying back and forth, sorting out cover at work and making sure that the family and my dad's many friends were kept up to date with how he was getting on - when all we really wanted to do was spend my time and energy on looking after John, making the end of his life as comfortable as possible, and making every day count.

This was made even more difficult by the health care system insofar as we had to deal with a wide range of agencies to get different types of care, GP, district nurses, social services, hospitals, hospices and so on.

Of course, the health care experts are busy and were not always there so we had to wait for them to call us back. Only, John was one of 8 children (who lived all round the world) and part of a large community, so the phone was constantly ringing with well meaning people asking how he was.

So, I?d be standing in the hall, on the phone, repeating today?s story for the umpteenth time, watching dad and wondering if the district nurse was calling me at this instant!

I am a website designer and it suddenly struck me that I could communicate with all my dad's mates and relatives by setting up a website that would give everyone the chance to just log on, see how he was doing - and then leave their own messages, thoughts, memories - even photos, if they knew how to get around that one!

So that's what I did.

What a difference!

The website was a terrific help to us all from a practical point of view, and apart from the pleasure it gave my dad to hear us read out all the messages that came in, the site also built up a wonderful diary of his final months and weeks. All the friends and family loved it because they could get the latest news any time and by leaving messages, they felt involved. And we could use the phone for what we needed it for, arranging care.
Now that he has gone, we are left with this amazing record of my dad's life and of how many people cherished him. It has proved to be a great source of comfort to his close family.

Because the website was such a boon to me, I decided to set up this web site to help others in the same position who want to dedicate their energies to looking after a loved one.

Also, as I was surprised to find that the hospices that provide care (John spent his final few days at the Ayrshire Hospice) for terminally ill patients are all privately funded through charities, I have added the ability to make charitable donations via the web site.

My dad was a life-long inspiration to many people and I think he would like the fact that, even when he was dying, he gave me an idea that will, I hope, be a benefit to others.

Adrian Doyle